Q & A : loving your friends through their loss but your joy
”My bestfriend just lost her 4th baby. I just found out that I am pregnant with my 1st, and we weren’t trying to get pregnant... How do I handle my news with my friend??”
I have actually had a few people ask me this question, in different ways! I figured I would tackle this question today!! First of all, I want to start with saying... Your angel mama friends are SO HAPPY for you. As a mom who has lost babies, you know the gift that a baby is. A baby is a gift no matter what the circumstances are. So, even if your friend seems sad that you told her you’re pregnant.. her saddness not about you. It is her own grief & saddness. She is happy for you, but it is a reminder of what she’s lost/can’t have. Okay. That being said, here are a few ways to be friends with your angel mama friends during your season of joy.
1. Tell her you’re pregnant, just the two of you. My bestfriend did this for me and I am so grateful to her for that. It is hard to be caught off guard with news like that in front of a bunch of people, when you are trying to conceive or have gone through a loss...so sometimes getting a heads up is really nice. It helps you process emotions easier & react better.
2. Remember that she is excited for you. Even if she doesn’t act happy, or jump up & down... she is excited. It just takes a lot more emotional energy to be excited for someone else’s baby, when you are trying to conceive. As I said earlier, a women who has lost a baby knows the gift a baby is. So don’t take it personally if she seems upset. It’s not your fault, it’s her own grief.
3. Don’t be offended if your friend doesn’t come to your baby related events. I think my biggest piece of advice to women who are friends with women who are TTC is this... DO NOT BE OFFENDED IF YOUR FRIEND TAKES A STEP BACK. The best thing to do is to love her through it. Don’t get mad or upset that she needs to skip your baby shower, or baby dedications, etc. She is only doing what’s best for her mental health. She is happy for you & excited for the life of your baby, but sometimes it is hard to watch your friends walk through a season of life you are dying to be in.
I honestly think the biggest part about loving your friends while they’re TTC or going through grief is communication. Ask how your friend how she is doing. Give her a heads up before big baby events. Don’t feel bad if she decides not to attend a baby related event. The best friendships are built on communication, trust and love. My bestfriend knows that as much as I love her daughter & baby on the way, that sometimes I need to take a step back during hard seasons... that does not mean I love them any less, it just is something I need to do for myself. Thank you to the people who sent this question in... your angel mama friends are lucky to have you. I want to encourage you to keep loving your friends who are grieving. It’s not always easy to love your friends through grief, but your angel mama friends need you. So keep on loving them!!
So I hope this answers that question! Keep them coming!!
2. Remember that she is excited for you. Even if she doesn’t act happy, or jump up & down... she is excited. It just takes a lot more emotional energy to be excited for someone else’s baby, when you are trying to conceive. As I said earlier, a women who has lost a baby knows the gift a baby is. So don’t take it personally if she seems upset. It’s not your fault, it’s her own grief.
3. Don’t be offended if your friend doesn’t come to your baby related events. I think my biggest piece of advice to women who are friends with women who are TTC is this... DO NOT BE OFFENDED IF YOUR FRIEND TAKES A STEP BACK. The best thing to do is to love her through it. Don’t get mad or upset that she needs to skip your baby shower, or baby dedications, etc. She is only doing what’s best for her mental health. She is happy for you & excited for the life of your baby, but sometimes it is hard to watch your friends walk through a season of life you are dying to be in.
I honestly think the biggest part about loving your friends while they’re TTC or going through grief is communication. Ask how your friend how she is doing. Give her a heads up before big baby events. Don’t feel bad if she decides not to attend a baby related event. The best friendships are built on communication, trust and love. My bestfriend knows that as much as I love her daughter & baby on the way, that sometimes I need to take a step back during hard seasons... that does not mean I love them any less, it just is something I need to do for myself. Thank you to the people who sent this question in... your angel mama friends are lucky to have you. I want to encourage you to keep loving your friends who are grieving. It’s not always easy to love your friends through grief, but your angel mama friends need you. So keep on loving them!!
So I hope this answers that question! Keep them coming!!
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