How do you handle triggers & what are triggers for you?
I get this question a lot! Figured I would tackle this one today, because it has been super relevant to me the last few weeks.
Part One: How do you handle triggers?
Honestly I have been struggling with this big time. I tend to shut down, shut out, disconnect from people/things that trigger me. I have been trying to work on facing my triggers.... but that is easier said than done. There are times where I think it is good to put up healthy boundaries...like not attending baby showers, not visiting new babies, & not walking through the nursery at church. There are some times where you just need to face them head on though, or you unexpectedly face them. Those times are the hardest. The unexpected, take your breath away, stab to the heart times... those times will test your ability to survive & cope. Those are my least favorite times. Finding friends you can text & just say “ this happened, can you pray for me?”... that is invaluable.
Part Two: What are triggers for you?
I have my main triggers, but honestly sometimes I feel triggered with deep, intense sorrow out of nowhere. My hardest one is when I hear people using my girls names...specifically Ivy Mae’s just because our loss with her is so fresh & her due date is coming up. I spent tons of time choosing her name, first & middle. I sort of feel robbed when I hear people using it because they got to meet the baby they named & I didn’t... Then there is due dates/loss dates...those dang things always tend to sneak up on you, especially when you have multiple losses. Finding ways to celebrate them helps, but it never gets easier. People complaining about their kids is a trigger for many women going through infertility/loss. You hear a mom screaming at or complaining about her kids in the store, when you would do anything in the world to be in her shoes. Trust me, I have been a full time nanny for years, I get that motherhood isn’t all butterflies & cheery moments, but just be aware of that in front of your angel mama friends. They would long to have a screaming, up all night baby...instead of being up all night sobbing for their lost child. Church can also be a huge trigger for me, oddly enough. Walking in & being surrounded by pregnant mamas & babies, can be excruciating. After losing Riley, I watched a lot of church online instead of attending in person. I felt like all I could focus on was the pregnant belly’s & crying babies, so I just stayed home. I have gotten better though, but there are some times I tend to avoid church... like Mother’s Day & Baby Dedications.
Honestly, I am constantly telling angel mamas to do what is best for them! People who have not lost a baby, just cannot fully understand what you are going through. They can feel bad & be heartbroken for you; but unless they have lost a baby, they don’t understand that inner battle that is constantly raging. Friends, try to learn & talk to your angel mama friends to see what they need. Angel mamas, try to be gracious to your friends if they say/do the wrong thing. They don’t fully understand. And do what is best for you & your healing. If watching church online is what you need for a bit, go for it. If avoiding baby showers is what you need to do, you go girl. If you need to avoid your friends new baby, do what’s best for you. If you need to cry and scream out of frustration & anger, I’m always here for a listening ear. If you need to go to a therapist, seek that out! If you need to text a friend & ask for prayer, do that!
Triggers are one of the hardest parts of this grief journey. They hit you out of nowhere...and even if you have prepped yourself for them, they still take your breath away. Be gracious to yourself & take care of yourself. It is a never ending journey.
Keep sending your questions in!!
Part One: How do you handle triggers?
Honestly I have been struggling with this big time. I tend to shut down, shut out, disconnect from people/things that trigger me. I have been trying to work on facing my triggers.... but that is easier said than done. There are times where I think it is good to put up healthy boundaries...like not attending baby showers, not visiting new babies, & not walking through the nursery at church. There are some times where you just need to face them head on though, or you unexpectedly face them. Those times are the hardest. The unexpected, take your breath away, stab to the heart times... those times will test your ability to survive & cope. Those are my least favorite times. Finding friends you can text & just say “ this happened, can you pray for me?”... that is invaluable.
Part Two: What are triggers for you?
I have my main triggers, but honestly sometimes I feel triggered with deep, intense sorrow out of nowhere. My hardest one is when I hear people using my girls names...specifically Ivy Mae’s just because our loss with her is so fresh & her due date is coming up. I spent tons of time choosing her name, first & middle. I sort of feel robbed when I hear people using it because they got to meet the baby they named & I didn’t... Then there is due dates/loss dates...those dang things always tend to sneak up on you, especially when you have multiple losses. Finding ways to celebrate them helps, but it never gets easier. People complaining about their kids is a trigger for many women going through infertility/loss. You hear a mom screaming at or complaining about her kids in the store, when you would do anything in the world to be in her shoes. Trust me, I have been a full time nanny for years, I get that motherhood isn’t all butterflies & cheery moments, but just be aware of that in front of your angel mama friends. They would long to have a screaming, up all night baby...instead of being up all night sobbing for their lost child. Church can also be a huge trigger for me, oddly enough. Walking in & being surrounded by pregnant mamas & babies, can be excruciating. After losing Riley, I watched a lot of church online instead of attending in person. I felt like all I could focus on was the pregnant belly’s & crying babies, so I just stayed home. I have gotten better though, but there are some times I tend to avoid church... like Mother’s Day & Baby Dedications.
Honestly, I am constantly telling angel mamas to do what is best for them! People who have not lost a baby, just cannot fully understand what you are going through. They can feel bad & be heartbroken for you; but unless they have lost a baby, they don’t understand that inner battle that is constantly raging. Friends, try to learn & talk to your angel mama friends to see what they need. Angel mamas, try to be gracious to your friends if they say/do the wrong thing. They don’t fully understand. And do what is best for you & your healing. If watching church online is what you need for a bit, go for it. If avoiding baby showers is what you need to do, you go girl. If you need to avoid your friends new baby, do what’s best for you. If you need to cry and scream out of frustration & anger, I’m always here for a listening ear. If you need to go to a therapist, seek that out! If you need to text a friend & ask for prayer, do that!
Triggers are one of the hardest parts of this grief journey. They hit you out of nowhere...and even if you have prepped yourself for them, they still take your breath away. Be gracious to yourself & take care of yourself. It is a never ending journey.
Keep sending your questions in!!
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