How to love the Childless on Mother’s day

This has been weighing very heavy on my heart lately. Mother’s Day is right around the corner & for so many of us we dread it from the moment all the adorable Mom gear appears at Target.

I would be more than halfway through my pregnancy with Ivy right now, and we could’ve been celebrating Riley’s first birthday this month.  I had planned on spending this Mother's Day full of joy but now it is full of sorrow. Here are a list of ways you can love your friends or be sensitive to them, during this month especially...

• Recognize their Motherhood :

- I think one of the most painful parts of losing babies is that you have nothing to show for your Motherhood. Mother’s who leave the hospital with empty arms, only have the emotional & physical pain from their loss. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to leave labor & delivery without your baby, or to walk out of the doctors office with the words “ there’s no heartbeat” replaying over & over, or to deliver your baby at home and have no one know your sorrow. These mommas are the true warriors on Mother’s Day.

• It’s okay to ask them about their baby: 

- I think sometimes we don’t ask or mention anything because we think it may hurt someone’s feelings. When in fact sometimes it’s just the opposite. I recently had a friend send me a photo of an ivy wall on their house, and she said that she thinks of Ivy Mae everytime she passes it. That warms my heart like nothing else, when my girl is acknowledged & shown love. As a mom of an angel, you do whatever it takes to keep your baby’s memory alive. 

• The smallest gift goes a long way: 

- I think of all the little gifts I have been given throughout my journey...jewelry, notes, books, etc. All of that has greatly helped my healing process. A few specific books that I have been given/bought that could help your friends are:

- Longing for Motherhood
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew

• Prayer, so much Prayer:
- I think that the most amazing way to support your friends who are in the midst of loss, is by praying for them. I know that I can text my bestfriend when I am having a rough day, or in need of some prayer. I can tell her the ugliness of my jealousy towards other pregnant women, or my bitterness towards God & she will be there to listen without judgement. We also pray through guilt and lies that Satan tries to tear me down with. This kind of love and friendship is so deeply valued, and it brings glory to God to see his people deeply loving one another. 

Basically in summary, any way that you can acknowledge or love on your momma friends who have been through loss, do it. Whether it’s a simple  “thinking of you momma” text, or a Mother's Day card, prayer...or a hug when you see them out and about, as it gets closer to Mother’s Day. This time of year gives me so much social anxiety that it’s sometimes hard to go out, and know that I will see other moms... so having friends who love on you, cry with you, and pray with you makes a huge impact. I hope that this was helpful to those who are in the midst of loving those through loss right now. My next blog post is specific to grieving mommas on Mother’s Day, so keep an eye out for that too.