Riley Ann
It is so crazy to me to think that I should be a momma to an almost one year old right now. That blows my mind. I should be planning a party, buying balloons and ordering a cake...but instead I will scramble to find any hopes of her.
We never did an announcement when I found out we were pregnant, and I didn’t post about our loss until a few months later. I was trying to figure out marriage as a newlywed and the death of our baby all at once. Those weeks I felt so alone. I grieved privately and silently. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, like I had done something to make this happen. It was terribly painful to grieve in that way. After a few weeks of that, I thought why? Why was I being silent about it? So I posted on Facebook about our loss. I didn’t do it for the pity. I did it because that baby was so wanted and loved, and I wanted people to know that. I also think that if you don’t talk about your pain it is hard for people to be sensitive towards you. In those silent, lonely weeks I was asked multiple times when we were gonna “hurry up and have kids already?!”, people didn’t realize the depth of pain those comments caused. They didn’t know because I didn’t allow my grief & struggles to be known.
The more I have shared about our losses, more people have told me that they are/have also been dealing with pregnancy loss.
Let this sink in for a second.... 1 in 4 women deal with pregnancy loss.
1 in 4.
So I am just gonna take this brief second to caution you before asking questions like “When are you having kids?” or “Hurry up and have kids” to people. Trust me, if anyone struggling with reoccurring pregnancy loss could just “Hurry up and have kids” they would.
In a heartbeat.
I think about Riley often. I chose to name her Riley because it means “valiant- to show courage or determination”. I needed courage to get through every day. Thank you sweet Riley girl. Thank you helped me to share my story. You gave me courage to be vulnerable and bold.
I am 1 in 4.
We never did an announcement when I found out we were pregnant, and I didn’t post about our loss until a few months later. I was trying to figure out marriage as a newlywed and the death of our baby all at once. Those weeks I felt so alone. I grieved privately and silently. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, like I had done something to make this happen. It was terribly painful to grieve in that way. After a few weeks of that, I thought why? Why was I being silent about it? So I posted on Facebook about our loss. I didn’t do it for the pity. I did it because that baby was so wanted and loved, and I wanted people to know that. I also think that if you don’t talk about your pain it is hard for people to be sensitive towards you. In those silent, lonely weeks I was asked multiple times when we were gonna “hurry up and have kids already?!”, people didn’t realize the depth of pain those comments caused. They didn’t know because I didn’t allow my grief & struggles to be known.
The more I have shared about our losses, more people have told me that they are/have also been dealing with pregnancy loss.
Let this sink in for a second.... 1 in 4 women deal with pregnancy loss.
1 in 4.
So I am just gonna take this brief second to caution you before asking questions like “When are you having kids?” or “Hurry up and have kids” to people. Trust me, if anyone struggling with reoccurring pregnancy loss could just “Hurry up and have kids” they would.
In a heartbeat.
I think about Riley often. I chose to name her Riley because it means “valiant- to show courage or determination”. I needed courage to get through every day. Thank you sweet Riley girl. Thank you helped me to share my story. You gave me courage to be vulnerable and bold.
I am 1 in 4.
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