Box of Dreams

I have this box that is full of unused baby things...tiny onesies, swaddles, milestone stickers, little booties, hats, teddy bears & snuggly little sleepers. Sometimes I feel like it sits there and taunts me. It holds all of my unfulfilled dreams inside of it. But for some reason, I cannot move it out of my closet. A few weeks ago, I finally got up the courage to pack away all of Ivy’s gifts. I slowly & tearfully put them into my “Box of Dreams”, to join the other unused things that I had bought. I told myself that I was going to finally take the box and put it in storage.

I didn’t. It is still in my closet, staring at me everyday.

Last night I sat on the floor and sobbed.

I sobbed for the dreams that have been robbed from us. I sobbed that I am in this season of mourning, instead of the season of dancing that I should be in.

Truth is... I am not ready. I am not ready to say goodbye to Ivy & I am not ready to put away my dreams. I still look back at my photos of my little pregnant belly and long to go back to those moments. I miss that little baby more than I even have words for. It is one of the hard days... it has me longing for the days where the effects of Adam’s sin are no more.

I cling to the hope I have in Jesus.  He is faithful & good. He knows my dreams without even having to see the box of unused baby things in my closet.

He sees me, He knows me and He loves me.