3 Things no one tells you about miscarriage
The more pregnancies you lose, the more hope you lose sometimes too. I remember reading every article, blog post, forum that I could find when we lost our first baby. Many of these women had children after their losses & so I felt like " oh this is just a one time thing..". However now that we lost Ivy, I am constantly reminding myself that there is hope. It is much harder now. It has been almost two months since Ivy met her King, and I know some people may be thinking that I should be "over it" already, but you never fully get over it. Over time it gets easier, and you slowly can live life better, but you never get over it. Through blogging & meeting people at doctors offices, I have heard stories from other mommas of their pain & loss, and I have realized that the world doesn't talk about miscarriage. The church doesn't talk enough about it, and neither does the rest of the world. So I really am hoping that through this blog people will start talking...they will talk to their sisters in Christ, they will talk about it in churches, and the world will talk about it. So in the hopes of that, here are a few things that no one will tell you about pregnancy loss.
1. Your body becomes a wreck afterwards
When you start miscarrying, it feels like labor. Cramps that are indescribable & so many tears. If you need a D&C that pain is increased, especially in my case where I was not medicated or put under... I know that I personally began showing very early on. So after I lost our babies, especially after Ivy... I was/am super insecure about my body. It is terrible to feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Your body takes forever to get back to feeling normal, and that totally sucks. My body still doesn't feel back to normal since losing Ivy at the end of January. It is so hard to not feel like your body has betrayed you. The body that should've kept your baby safe did not do it's job, and if you let it that guilt will eat you alive. Besides the fact that your hormones can make you feel like a crazy person. I know that this happened to me, I would be laughing and then just start sobbing. Be gracious to yourself, your body has been through hell, take time to relax. Cut stress out of your life, it is the best thing you can do for yourself as you heal.
2. Bills..so many bills...
The bills are one of the worst parts of the aftermath. You get so many bills. When we lost Riley at the end of October of 2016, we did not get a medical bill for that loss until spring of 2017. What a slap in the face... We had been working through through that grief and then we were reminded of that pain months later in the form of a $1,800 bill...yikes. It seems unfair to have to pay thousands of dollars for a baby you never got to hold in your arms. I know so many other couples have walked this road and know this pain, it is unlike anything I have ever known. Don't let bills split you and your spouse. God will provide for your needs. This is something that has been hard for me to realize, but I am thankful that John always reminds me of this.
3. You are still a Mom
I always have this torn feeling, where the world tells you "you're not a mom because you don't have a child on this earth" but in your heart you feel like the ultimate mama bear. I would've done anything for those babies. I remember after losing Riley getting a email from Baby Center telling me "Congrats, your due date is here."! Just because your baby dies, it does not make you any less of a mother. You still love your child, and remember their due date, milestones they would be reaching and clothes they would have worn. You are still a mother. Sometimes I look at my friends with their babies, and I am so upset... I long for that connection to my child on this earth. I know though that one day when I get to heaven, I will be greeted by the King of Kings and then by my little babies who are already there worshiping their Maker.
The more that I have been blogging, I realize how many people have been impacted by pregnancy loss, and infertility. I hope this helps you to remember that you are not alone in this. You are loved and you are seen. I pray that there will be change in our society, to love these mommas deeper. The hurt that these mommas are feeling is not something that they just "get over", and so we as the body of Christ need to come around them & love them like Christ has loved us.
You are still a momma. You are not alone.
1. Your body becomes a wreck afterwards
When you start miscarrying, it feels like labor. Cramps that are indescribable & so many tears. If you need a D&C that pain is increased, especially in my case where I was not medicated or put under... I know that I personally began showing very early on. So after I lost our babies, especially after Ivy... I was/am super insecure about my body. It is terrible to feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Your body takes forever to get back to feeling normal, and that totally sucks. My body still doesn't feel back to normal since losing Ivy at the end of January. It is so hard to not feel like your body has betrayed you. The body that should've kept your baby safe did not do it's job, and if you let it that guilt will eat you alive. Besides the fact that your hormones can make you feel like a crazy person. I know that this happened to me, I would be laughing and then just start sobbing. Be gracious to yourself, your body has been through hell, take time to relax. Cut stress out of your life, it is the best thing you can do for yourself as you heal.
2. Bills..so many bills...
The bills are one of the worst parts of the aftermath. You get so many bills. When we lost Riley at the end of October of 2016, we did not get a medical bill for that loss until spring of 2017. What a slap in the face... We had been working through through that grief and then we were reminded of that pain months later in the form of a $1,800 bill...yikes. It seems unfair to have to pay thousands of dollars for a baby you never got to hold in your arms. I know so many other couples have walked this road and know this pain, it is unlike anything I have ever known. Don't let bills split you and your spouse. God will provide for your needs. This is something that has been hard for me to realize, but I am thankful that John always reminds me of this.
3. You are still a Mom
I always have this torn feeling, where the world tells you "you're not a mom because you don't have a child on this earth" but in your heart you feel like the ultimate mama bear. I would've done anything for those babies. I remember after losing Riley getting a email from Baby Center telling me "Congrats, your due date is here."! Just because your baby dies, it does not make you any less of a mother. You still love your child, and remember their due date, milestones they would be reaching and clothes they would have worn. You are still a mother. Sometimes I look at my friends with their babies, and I am so upset... I long for that connection to my child on this earth. I know though that one day when I get to heaven, I will be greeted by the King of Kings and then by my little babies who are already there worshiping their Maker.
The more that I have been blogging, I realize how many people have been impacted by pregnancy loss, and infertility. I hope this helps you to remember that you are not alone in this. You are loved and you are seen. I pray that there will be change in our society, to love these mommas deeper. The hurt that these mommas are feeling is not something that they just "get over", and so we as the body of Christ need to come around them & love them like Christ has loved us.
You are still a momma. You are not alone.
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